Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
