Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
