I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
