I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
