She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
