so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
