Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Houston, we have a squirter
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
