i just wanna soil my oats bro
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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