I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
