God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
