we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
