So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
