You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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