Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
