Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
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And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
40s are totally the cure
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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