he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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