There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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