does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
