mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
