Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
