Buhtt sex?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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