I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
