mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
