I want to have your abortion
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
