There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
