Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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