woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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