this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
