Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
