literally had 100 drinks last night.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
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that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
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I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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