Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
