i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
