i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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