where am i from again
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
PANTIES FOUND
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
