After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
