U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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