Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
