once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
