i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize