your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
