Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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