DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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