is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
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I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
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I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.