So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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