Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion