i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.