Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
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hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
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I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?