Define "chronic" masturbator.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog