So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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