Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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