boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I need advice on ways to politely say āfuck you on your way to hellā.
Randomize
