Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
