got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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