I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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