it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
