Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
