last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
