Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
