It's Friday. Sex?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
