Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i did. i'm using it as a microphone.

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  (703): maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking. (859): i did. i'm using it as a microphone. http://tfl.nu/mm1q
  Replies (8) Good night (3160) Bad night (748)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.

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  (801): Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room. http://tfl.nu/l3xg
  Replies (61) Good night (5368) Bad night (2436)
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  (516): View more from New York

  i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car

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  (516): i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car http://tfl.nu/yqns
  Replies (27) Good night (1427) Bad night (5799)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.

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  (802): He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed. http://tfl.nu/y5o9
  Replies (22) Good night (6194) Bad night (1143)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.

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  (281): Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's. http://tfl.nu/ot6m
  Replies (137) Good night (7138) Bad night (5706)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"

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  (443): her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does" http://tfl.nu/16y8
  Replies (16) Good night (2204) Bad night (6979)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas

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  (830): Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas http://tfl.nu/3mgi
  Replies (9) Good night (1056) Bad night (2998)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND

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  (989): TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND http://tfl.nu/73d2
  Replies (11) Good night (2390) Bad night (871)
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  (909): View more from California

  This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.

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  (909): This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday. http://tfl.nu/sxb3
  Replies (2) Good night (565) Bad night (1053)
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing

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  (339): Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing http://tfl.nu/jt81
  Replies (3) Good night (984) Bad night (617)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.

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  (808): Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard. http://tfl.nu/xtbf
  Replies (1) Good night (728) Bad night (461)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun

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  (847): Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun http://tfl.nu/7pg6
  Replies (3) Good night (726) Bad night (604)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse

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  (403): I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse http://tfl.nu/tdll
  Replies (2) Good night (337) Bad night (995)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants

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  (423): You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants http://tfl.nu/9mg7
  Replies (2) Good night (533) Bad night (287)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore

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  (+44): Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore http://tfl.nu/dh34
  Replies (0) Good night (531) Bad night (321)

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