I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
