not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.