After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles