Texts From Last Night

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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.

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  (720): Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight. http://tfl.nu/wlf9
  Replies (37) Good night (8206) Bad night (832)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?

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  (214): just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high? http://tfl.nu/2d1b
  Replies (38) Good night (8889) Bad night (846)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis

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  (267): I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis http://tfl.nu/zmb9
  Replies (21) Good night (1135) Bad night (3642)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor

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  (402): I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor http://tfl.nu/v346
  Replies (2) Good night (2599) Bad night (920)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame

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  (989): He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame http://tfl.nu/n7tj
  Replies (6) Good night (5487) Bad night (1295)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.

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  (+44): Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife. http://tfl.nu/3wb9
  Replies (11) Good night (900) Bad night (2440)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover

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  (847): A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover http://tfl.nu/j4ep
  Replies (4) Good night (1346) Bad night (516)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend

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  (602): Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend http://tfl.nu/pyzq
  Replies (4) Good night (374) Bad night (741)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.

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  (304): I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's. http://tfl.nu/kb4r
  Replies (1) Good night (553) Bad night (407)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.

  (636): View more from Missouri

  $5. Donated.

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  (314): Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate. (636): $5. Donated. http://tfl.nu/smvj
  Replies (0) Good night (832) Bad night (340)
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  (+81): View more from

  When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.

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  (+81): When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons. http://tfl.nu/bw9q
  Replies (2) Good night (615) Bad night (292)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014

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  (214): Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014 http://tfl.nu/d46t
  Replies (1) Good night (251) Bad night (367)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.

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  (815): We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human. http://tfl.nu/xn06
  Replies (8) Good night (275) Bad night (527)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?

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  (734): Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up? http://tfl.nu/3eiv
  Replies (2) Good night (329) Bad night (148)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?

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  (804): what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples? http://tfl.nu/z2p1
  Replies (3) Good night (312) Bad night (45)

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