im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
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There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.