Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My balls are so social today.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers