When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.