my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?