Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We are all done wearing pants today
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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