i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
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You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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