My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
