Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
