I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
