Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
