I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
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I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize