a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
