Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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