chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
