just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
