and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wish i was in the wii world.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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