You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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